I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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