hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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