he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
