these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
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