I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
