she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
two words: eviction party
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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