who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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