Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
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This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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