I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
