You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize