I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
