i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
