I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
