theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
