Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
