I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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