We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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