I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
