If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
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