I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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