Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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