it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
