I wish my penis had an off switch
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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