my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You've changed since you got that strap on
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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