I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
