He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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