he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
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And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
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Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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