if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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