We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
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