is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
So vagazzling was a success
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
