I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
