i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
