you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
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