I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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