My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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