she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
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