I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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