Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
