Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
