ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
