the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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