Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
