I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
