I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
