i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
