if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
