he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
