he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
