one might say we're banned from that church
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
