i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
