He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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