omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
