Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
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haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
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Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?