is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
