Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Barsexuality is the new black.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Stuck it in his pooper.
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there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
it glows. i had to have it.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
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Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today