Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic