So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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