Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(951): View more from California

Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.

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(951): Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already. http://tfl.nu/bhvw

Replies (64) Good night (5018) Bad night (964)
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(918): View more from Oklahoma

He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.

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(918): He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is. http://tfl.nu/or0q

Replies (20) Good night (4623) Bad night (1001)
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(732): View more from New Jersey

just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.

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(732): just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night. http://tfl.nu/zm02

Replies (4) Good night (2949) Bad night (812)
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(678): View more from Georgia

All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.

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(678): All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know. http://tfl.nu/jvfd

Replies (6) Good night (1322) Bad night (1040)
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(705): View more from Ontario

I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.

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(705): I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night. http://tfl.nu/p7qx

Replies (1) Good night (1512) Bad night (879)
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(720): View more from Colorado

You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.

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(720): You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck. http://tfl.nu/hy5d

Replies (3) Good night (1778) Bad night (629)
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(785): View more from Kansas

I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.

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(785): I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be. http://tfl.nu/axzh

Replies (7) Good night (453) Bad night (805)
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(989): View more from Michigan

I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.

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(989): I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon. http://tfl.nu/2nq9

Replies (13) Good night (1435) Bad night (524)
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(787): View more from Puerto Rico

I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work

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(787): I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work http://tfl.nu/djbl

Replies (1) Good night (656) Bad night (352)
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(505): View more from New Mexico

Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success

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(505): Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success http://tfl.nu/y0qf

Replies (0) Good night (1121) Bad night (332)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it

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(202): All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it http://tfl.nu/syvy

Replies (2) Good night (924) Bad night (288)
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(417): View more from Missouri

I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.

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(417): I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow. http://tfl.nu/poey

Replies (0) Good night (535) Bad night (385)
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(425): View more from Washington

Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people

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(425): Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people http://tfl.nu/m00z

Replies (8) Good night (879) Bad night (523)
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(815): View more from Illinois

I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.

(1-815): View more from Illinois

You gift wrapped a tampon.

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(815): I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase. (1-815): You gift wrapped a tampon. http://tfl.nu/h0zj

Replies (1) Good night (688) Bad night (371)
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(416): View more from Toronto

no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after

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(416): no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after http://tfl.nu/d5fh

Replies (3) Good night (540) Bad night (211)

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