the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
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I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
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I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up