Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.

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  (248): Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on. http://tfl.nu/7zdh
  Replies (2) Good night (1596) Bad night (734)
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  (323): View more from California

  At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.

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  (323): At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands. http://tfl.nu/8842
  Replies (13) Good night (1670) Bad night (587)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work

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  (214): I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work http://tfl.nu/fhj1
  Replies (47) Good night (830) Bad night (3508)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.

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  (301): Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background. http://tfl.nu/pa5j
  Replies (23) Good night (5705) Bad night (887)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning

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  (616): a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning http://tfl.nu/f62h
  Replies (29) Good night (5999) Bad night (1283)
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  (807): View more from Ontario

  I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.

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  (807): I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill. http://tfl.nu/m363
  Replies (4) Good night (2473) Bad night (964)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.

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  (917): My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table. http://tfl.nu/qx0a
  Replies (4) Good night (4122) Bad night (905)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.

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  (573): I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon. http://tfl.nu/xp8x
  Replies (3) Good night (803) Bad night (1431)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks

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  (214): He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks http://tfl.nu/xm8f
  Replies (6) Good night (1253) Bad night (741)
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  (914): View more from New York

  Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought

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  (914): Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought http://tfl.nu/0bwp
  Replies (9) Good night (1468) Bad night (661)
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!

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  (225): I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid! http://tfl.nu/3alp
  Replies (4) Good night (571) Bad night (1752)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?

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  (515): Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged? http://tfl.nu/5wyb
  Replies (6) Good night (1091) Bad night (439)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?

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  (937): Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no? http://tfl.nu/z665
  Replies (2) Good night (734) Bad night (305)
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  (939): View more from Puerto Rico

  After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep

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  (939): After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep http://tfl.nu/5di1
  Replies (3) Good night (723) Bad night (471)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.

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  (785): What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective. http://tfl.nu/kk8s
  Replies (2) Good night (810) Bad night (375)

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