pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
