I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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