i don't like sucking hair
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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