I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
