I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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