tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
