We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
