that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
