fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
