i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
no you cant smoke seaweed
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I need to calm my uterus...
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
