I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
